Not Alone
by SpazKit
Summary: Rikku finds that when someone has a little much to drink, secrets are revealed... for the better? H/C PG for Alcohal use


Not alone  
  
  
  
  
  
When I started this pilgrimage, I expected rough times. I expected blood, and   
adventure, and heroics. But I'd rather hoped that some of Yunie's guardians   
would be on my side when it came to saving her /life/… I feel so alone out here.   
  
Though my comrades are only a few steps away, I can barely see them. I can   
feel Wakka's hostility, I can feel the love between Yuna and Tidus. And I can feel   
Auron's piercing gaze on my shoulder, silencing any protests about Yunie's   
death and pilgrimage. I feel actually quite… alone. My happy and bouncy spirits   
have fallen since I watched my family and friends die… I'm trying really hard not   
to think about that right now.  
  
The world is now nothing but a white haze. It's been like that for some time   
actually. I stopped paying attention to fiends, to be honest. If something is   
moving and the others are attacking it, I mimic their actions. I am starting to think   
that my brain as just stopped functioning. Dunno why. I guess the cold is getting   
to me or something.  
  
I should have bought a coat.  
  
I think Kimahri is behind me again. He's been doing that a lot, because every   
time I trip I slam into his furry body. Fun times. Yevon. I stumble along like dead   
weight, mostly because I can't feel my body anymore. I'm tired. So… tired. Tired   
of this pilgrimage. Tired of worrying about Yunie. Tired. But I can't stop or show   
weakness. I did that once already, and I didn't get favorable results. Man in red   
over there pretty much made it clear that I'd be left behind. So I'll keep marching.   
Even as my eyes close… shutting out the cold. Shutting out the light.   
  
"You should keep your eyes open, for fiends. So that you can protect your   
summoner," a raspy voice grumbled in my general direction. I peeked open my   
spiraled eye, glaring at the owner of the voice. Legendary owner. Whatever.   
  
I said nothing, and let the eye fall closed for a few precious moments before   
blinking in the snow, and shuddering. I decided that I didn't like snow. I catch a   
flash of red falling back, to Kimahri's side, a through the howling wind, catch the   
sound of low voices. I turn away, back towards the unseeable top of this   
wretched mountain.   
  
I brief thought entered my mind. I wondered how he could do it. How a man could   
lead a friend… at least, I assumed Braska was his friend, to his death. And then   
do it /again/ with the daughter. Ugh. It really just… I don't know. How can a man   
like that just… not care? I shook my head, and noted that a few of my bangs had   
frost clinging to their golden edges. I shuddered again, wishing, guiltily, that this   
would all be over somehow…  
  
  
  
Night fell slowly. I was quite ready to collapse. I had long since lost feeling in my   
legs and arms a feet and toes. Yuna approached me wistfully, a sheepish smile   
on her face. Before I could ask what she was doing, she cast a small healing   
spell upon my frozen limbs, and I allowed a small sigh to escape my lips as a   
slight warmth spread up my body.   
  
We settled for the night in a rocky hallow of something resembling a cliff. A slight   
indentation that might be called a cave was the chosen spot for our camp. Lulu   
put her powers to use and a warm magical fire was started in the center of the   
cave. Gods, I wanted to just curl into the fire and roast, I was so cold. Fried Rikku   
could be appetizing. It was decided that I should take second watch, Auron frist,   
and Kimahri last. Why? Because they hate me. No, not really. But I accepted   
nonetheless, and curled up beside Kimahri to rest.  
  
Time fly's when you're tired and cold and sleeping. I barely had time to close my   
eyes before the large cat next to me elbowed me in the side. I blinked blearily at   
him, snuffling in the cold. I had ended up nuzzling my way into the Ronso's back,   
a warm heated blanket in the cold. I mumbled a thanks, dragging myself upright.   
He snorted, and went back to sleep. Lucky. Then again I hated third shift. I'd   
rather have second.  
  
Lifting my head a little higher into the cool of the night air, I glanced around,   
looking for my unemotional legendary guardian that took watch prior to me. He   
was no where to be seen. Wonderful.  
  
I heard a soft clank over the edge of a nearby rock. Huddling unto myself, the   
snow crunched under my feet as I made my way towards the sound. There, upon   
the other side, was a slouched Sir Auron, his massive blade resting   
unceremoniously on the snow covered ground. I blinked, trying to decipher if   
what I saw was real or an illusion in the falling snow. Auron's glasses lay dumped   
at his side, his legs sprawled out, his sake jug dangling from his lips.   
  
"…Auron?" I asked, my voice small in the wind.   
  
His eye sluggishly made it's way up to my gaze, and the jug dropped to his side. I   
blinked again, stunned. A small chuckle made it's way from the man's lips and a   
lopsided smile graced his face. He motioned with his gloved hand for me to come   
closer.  
  
"Auron…" I said, slowly, coming to stand beside him, unsure how to deal with the   
situation.   
  
"Hmm?" He asked, taking another swig from his drink, the contents sloshing   
around inside the jug. It sounded near empty. Oh my. I swallowed nervously, my   
heart starting to go faster. I held back from yelping when the cold of is leather   
glove grasped my ankle.   
  
"S'cold out here. Why are you here?" He asked slackly, his eyebrows furrowing in   
concentration. Taking a deep breath, I shoved aside my fears and sank into the   
snow beside him, balancing on my feet and hugging my knees to my chest. His   
hand fell from my ankle and rested limply on the snow. His head lolled slightly to   
his left so that he could see me. I swallowed again.  
  
"Uh… I came to take you in. It's my watch now, Auron," I said with as much   
sincerity as I could muster. Part of me wanted to berate him for drinking on   
watch, the other part was interested in his behavior.   
  
"Hn. Well, first off," he said, sucking in a gasp of air after a soft burp claimed his   
throat, "I'm not quite sure I can stand. Secondly, I don't need t'be taken care of   
by a child," the guardian mumbled, suddenly tearing of his collar with   
uncoordinated fingers. The remark caught me off guard, and I narrowed my eyes   
and flinched away from him.  
  
"Child? Excuse me?" I asked angrily. "Who's the one out here drinking while on   
watch?" I spat, deciding to use that defense after all.   
  
Auron giggled slightly, the sound actually disturbing me somewhat. "I have every   
right to be drinking," the guardian slurred, his voice lowering. "I've been here   
b'fore. I know what's coming. I've damn well earned that right."   
  
Perhaps I should have been listening to the meaning beneath the words, but the   
intoxicated man's earlier statement about my age still stung. "If you're so   
/concerned/ about Yuna getting to Zanarkand, then you'd have more sense than   
to act like this, /Sir/ Auron. And if I'm such a child, why am I out here doing my   
job?" I lectured, glaring at him. His head bobbed, his exposed chin distracting   
me. To be honest, I'd never seen it before.   
  
"C'mon," he turned to me, his hot breath blasting my face. It reeked of sake.   
You're only what? F'fteen?"  
  
"Sixteen," I replied, studying the extreme closeness of his face. I watched as the   
bridge of his nose crinkled as he contemplated my age. Gods, I thought. He is so   
intoxicated. What do I do?  
  
"S'xteen. When I was that age, I was only a kid," Auron drawled, his bare hand   
waving laxly in the air. "Wanted to become a guardian. Save Spira. Make a   
difference. But I was still only a kid."  
  
"So, maybe you were. But I'm mature, Auron. I know what I'm trying to do for   
Yunie…" I trailed off, looking away. At least I know I want her to live. Unlike   
you…  
  
When I realized there was silence, I turned back towards him. He was studying   
me, his bloodshot eye tracking the contours of my face. Hesitantly and   
uncoordinated, he raised his bare hand to my face. Though numbed with cold, I   
felt the rough of his finger touch my cheek, as if to make sure I was really there.   
Despite our argument, I was touched by the gentleness of the action.   
  
His hand moved to cup my face, his thumb caressing my skin. As if frozen, I   
watched his face grow nearer and nearer, his glazed eye staring into my own   
gaze.  
  
"Maybe you're right," he said softly and slowly, trying to articulate his words. His   
strong breath flowed over my face, his lips an inch away from mine. I felt my   
breath catch, my eyes darting over his face. As if mesmerized, I watched,   
unmoving, as his lips came closer to mine, and settled against my cheek,   
touching the corner of my mouth. His stubble brushed my chin as he stayed   
there, his touch warm and solid.   
  
He drew back, and I found myself missing it. He stopped an inch away, a sigh   
escaping his lips. He looked at me, his eyebrows rising above their normal   
height.  
  
"That w's nice," he breathed, "I miss that."   
  
"Y-you do?" I asked, my heart pounding. I hadn't been expecting that at /all/. This   
was not the customary, gruff, rough guardian I was accustomed to seeing. This   
was entirely wrong, and yet that kiss… it was so warm…  
  
"Mhm," he said, trying to lean back, but failing. "But shhh, it's a secret." Loosing   
his balance, Auron slid sideways, his shoulder falling against mine. He snickered   
again.  
  
"Uh…" I swallowed, trying to regain my composure. Let's, go inside? Near the   
fire? Maybe?" It was cold here, and the snow was starting to pile upon our forms.   
I stood shakily, and helped Auron to sit upright. I shivered, feeling his hand rest   
on my shin.   
  
"Up?" he asked, his eye closed heavily and then opening again. I nodded. He   
sighed, and reached out to me. I grasped his hand and arm in a firm of a grip as I   
could, and helped to tug him to his feet. The large man swayed, his balance   
failing. We met shoulder to shoulder as he stumbled, grabbing on to my arms to   
keep from falling.   
  
"M'be you're right. I… might have had a little too much," Auron mumbled,   
hanging on to me for dear life. Slipping and stumbling, we made our way though   
the snow. I am amazed we made it inside the cave in one piece. As soon as we   
were relatively safe and close to the fire, I dropped us to the ground, because I   
honestly couldn't bear the weight of both of us anymore. Auron dropped easily,   
seemingly relieved that he didn't have to stand anymore. Almost playing the role   
of angelic guardian, I sat beside him, making sure he wasn't going to be sick or   
fall over. Even in his current state, he must have realized my attempt at   
motherhening, and grinned at me, the smile totally morphing his usually grim   
expression.   
  
A yawn cracked his face, and I watched with interest as he tried to remove his   
robe. I reached out to him, without thinking, and helped remove the troublesome   
glove and sleeve. As I was removing the garment, I glanced up to find him   
staring at me with a very, very serious look on his face.  
  
"What?" I asked, ridding him of his robe. The cloth slipped from his broad   
shoulders, revealing taught muscle beneath.  
  
"I…" he started, but looked away, blinking. There was silence for a few moments   
before he looked back. "I believe my tongue is somewhat loose at the moment…   
I should say this now. M'be I'll feel better," he said, the last words almost a   
whisper. His face dropped.   
  
Concerned, I hesitantly touched his arm. "Auron?" I whispered softly. I didn't want   
to wake the rest of the party, but my curiosity wanted to know what was wrong.   
  
When he looked up again, despite his drunkenness, I saw the pain in his eye, the   
shine of tears there. He swallowed thickly.  
  
"I know… we disagree. About.. Yuna. The… pilgrimage. " I winced. Oh gods, not   
now. Please, I can't talk to him about this now. Not when he's like this.   
  
"I…-"  
  
"And-" he cut me off, "I want you to know that I respect and honor what you are   
trying t'do, and I would never, /never/ endanger Yuna if I didn't think there was a   
ss-singnificant change that she /will/ defeat sin… and live on…" he paused,   
inhaling, "And I can't tell you how, but I know, I /know/…"  
  
Silence, save for his broken breaths.  
  
I stared in disbelief. His confession, to me, was remarkable. Unsure of himself in   
this state, his reddened eye allowed tears to escape and his fortified barriers to   
break down. And I felt tears come to mine own spiraling eyes, when I thought   
back to how I conjured Auron to be the merciless guardian, the man only   
interested in defeating sin, even at Yuna's cost…  
  
They say alcohol frees the tongue. It does. Yevon, it does.   
  
My bottom lip trembling, I reached out to Auron. Being the strong one, I pulled   
the thick frame of the guardian to me. Seeing that he could barely sit up straight,   
he accepted the invitation, and leaned into me, his face burying itself in my neck   
as his strong arms encircled my torso. Especially now, I could feel him tremble   
with pent up emotion. Come morning, this side of Auron would be gone, so I set   
aside every to ease his pain now. I soothed him as best I could, rubbing my hand   
in slow circles across the planes of his wide back. Not long after the embrace   
began, I felt the weakened man relax against me, his weight starting to become a   
burden to my slim form.   
  
Gently, I tried to lean us over. Conscious enough to see what I was doing, Auron   
brought a hand down and flipped himself onto his side, pulling me against him.   
He rested his cheek on my shoulder and sighed, bringing his robe to cover us. I   
curled up against him, and within moments, his breathing was deep and even   
against my throat. I swallowed and watched the firelight cast shadows on the   
ceiling of the cave…   
  
  
  
When morning came, I sat up groggily, scratching at my ribs. Blinking, I recalled   
last night… and glanced around for everyone. The party was preparing to   
leave… to continue on it's way to Zanarkand. Not far now…  
  
I shuddered. Though to be honest… if Auron's words had been true and from his   
heart, then perhaps… perhaps it was not all in vain. Perhaps Yuna would live…  
  
On our way across Gagazet, he barely spoke a word to me. I wondered what he   
thought when he awoke to find me at his side… did he remember?   
  
Around midday, we paused for a quick lunch. I watched as the red clad warrior   
briefly touched his brow… ah. Hangover. As he made his way across camp, I   
followed. Once a fair distance away from the others, he turned. His expression   
was unreadable. There was silence.  
  
"I… apologize…"  
  
"I'm sorry I…"  
  
I smiled slightly at our simultaneous conversation. He hmphed, and turned away.  
  
"I hope my… actions didn't make you uncomfortable. You were correct. It was a   
poor mistake on my behalf…" He said softly. He turned ever so slightly, so that   
his eye was seen behind his glasses. "And you are not a child. Not at all."  
  
He turned to walk away. Something… something inside me demanded that I do   
this one thing. I hurried forward, and grabbed at his arm, spinning him. His eye   
read shock as I gently touched his face, reaching past the collar and into his very   
personal space. My fingernail grazed lightly over his cheek.   
  
As snow fell on our faces, I got on my tippy toes and leaned forward, bringing my   
face very close to his. I pulled the collar down and smiled, even though he looked   
something akin to horrified, or terrified. Either of which. I smiled anyway.  
  
"Auron…"  
  
I brought my mouth to his unscarred cheek, the corner of my lips touching his. It   
was gentle and warm. I held for a few lingering moments before falling away. His   
eye was closed in emotion, his nose flaring as he swallowed. I then wrapped my   
arms around his waist and pulled myself close, closing my eyes against his   
inviting chest. After a moment, his arms encircled me and warmed me from the   
frozen world.   
  
"…Thank you," I whispered to him. Thank you Auron… I thought… for giving me   
hope.  
  
"Thank you," he responded softly, his words a rumble in his chest, vibrating   
against my face. His arms tightened and we stayed that way as the snow fell   
soundlessly around us, securing us in this moment of warmth and peace.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
______  
um yea.  
Yay for a little thing that I've just finished at… 4:30 am. Whee. Yay for fun. 


End file.
